Nigel, just one other thought:
You mention "Behavior that has been repeated over many years." You have my sympathies about that category of behavior. For me, too, the deepest humiliation is the recognition of behavior that I have sought to improve or alter, certain that I could--and ought--to do better, and to find that its repetition is a fact of life. In this you are far from alone. There is the challenge: to be at war deep inside, or to make peace with oneself. Thanks, all, for listening.