Sheesh. It's like listening to the ravings of some dipsomaniac halfwit...

Yokels? You silly man! This is an arts town, a centre (Canadian spelling) of sophistication and culture, the home of Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot, the glittering jewel in the crown of Simcoe County. We don't even allow dumbass yokels from states like Idaho or Texas to enter this town until they've been de-loused and checked for infectious diseases.

Furthermore, we have a well-armed citizenry here, an experienced militia ready to answer the call when any of you Yankees dare to violate our sovereign borders as you did back in 1812. And we know how to handle our guns too, because unlike you hairy-arsed swamp and prairie dwelling yahoos, we have to pass a proper firearms training course before we are allowed to buy our guns. So we know how to use them, eh?

Go buy some of those inferior Dunkin' Donuts, drink some more crap American beer, and count your admittedly meager blessings.