The trouble with the Daily Mail is that I can get a free copy of it as long as I spend at least five quid at Waitrose and use my MyWaitrose card. I also get a free cappuccino and money off my spuds, cherry tomatoes and pancetta. I could get a free Guardian instead of the Mail, but I already get The Guardian at home. Shit. Still, I always pick up a Mail as I wish to see how the bigots live, so no loss.

Not hard to spend a fiver at Waitrose, by the way. One bottle of their Fruity and Mellow Spanish, plus a box of their sundried tomato nibbles, and you're home, dry and happy. Should there be two of you, you may need two bottles.