As a white, female, American who can't dance anything anymore, I have no dog in this fight. But as someone who grapples every day with how to interact in a multi-racial society with various age groups who are likely to have different takes on perceptions of race, I can sympathise with both those who are exasperated and those who are offended.

As a liberal, living in an agressively "socially aware" suburb I have rolled my eyes at suggestions that it is racist of me to think of characterizing any sector of the black populous as having a particular characteristic, unless it is an expression of praise. Thus:
"The black kids at Heights High whose pants show half their underpants make me want to tell them to pull their pants up"= oh bad, very bad
" I love the call and response type of singing that happens with hymns in black churches" = just fine on the PC scale

In the first case, this is seen as racist by some of the youth, but black moms of my generation are likely to chime in with "amen" What is considered offensive - or perhaps more accurately, what people feel free to say is offensive - evolves with generations. There are also people of all categories and ethnicities who excel at what I see as the Olympic level sport of taking umbrage. It sounds like this situation has a bit of both. I am willing to go the extra distance in trying to avoid that which divides us. Sometimes I feel self conscious and a bit goofy for doing it. Since having a conversation with a batch of church friends talking about white folk crossing the street in fear of a black guy, I consciously greet with eye contact, smile, hello.

Those who take umbrage where no insult is meant have often caused me to feel like I have to prove I'm not a racist. But this is on a par with the absurd lengths we have to go to show we're not a pedophile or abuser in order to work with children. You have to constantly be on guard and aren't supposed to hug the wee child weeping in front of you. (Diocese of Cleveland VIRTUS training)

It is a different century, and traditions evolve, and not always as we'd want them to, and some of the ones we wish could change, won't.

Joanne in Cleveland