All Around My Fat by Penny Ward (submitted by Micca)

Lyrics by: Penny Ward
Tune: All around my hat (Traditional)

Chorus:
All around my fat
I will wear the Playtex Girdle
And all around my fat
For an evening and a day
And if anyone should ask me
The reason why I'm wearing it
It's all for my true love
Who thinks I'm built this way

Verse1
Take half a pound of talcum
And a small jar of Vaseline
A shoehorn comes in handy
It's the biggest you've ever seen!
You put it all together
And you will plainly see
I'm a different shape completely
And in abject agony

Chorus

Verse 2

The other night he bought me
A small box of lingerie
All frothy lace and satin
The colour of ivory
I went to change and left him
Anticipating hedony
So much for Janet Reger
I can't get them past my knees!

Chorus

Verse3

Fare the well Weight Watchers
And fare the well the step class
Three stone have I gained
And my waistline I have lost
I'll eat and I'll be merry
Dispense with guilt and calories
I'll stuff the sodding 'F' plan
It's a fry up for me tea!