I ran across this sheet music at the University of Oregon website:


THE PARTY THAT WROTE "HOME SWEET HOME" (NEVER WAS A MARRIED MAN)
Words and music by Fleta Jan Brown, ©1908.

1. Alexander Brown sat around on the fence and he wished he could die right there.
Women, he'd admit, had their troubles, of course, but men had more than their share.
He'd ventured out on the night before
And forgotten the key that unlocked his door.
When he roused the neighbors in the morn at four,
Missus Brown used language and her husband got sore.

CHORUS: Oh, the party that wrote "Home Sweet Home" never was a married man.
He never had a lovin' wife to greet him with a fryin' pan.
Oh! He never knew that a "Welcome" mat
Meant family jars and things like that.
Oh, the party that wrote "Home Sweet Home" never was a married man.

2. When a man comes home from his office at night, he is tired, so he goes to bed.
'Long about eleven, the baby awakes, and his screams would waken the dead.
Then papa rocks him for 'most an hour,
And goes thro' ev'ry antic within his pow'r.
When he fin'lly thinks of the milk, it's sour.
When he sleeps, it's five by the clock in the tower.

CHORUS: Oh, the party that wrote "Home Sweet Home" never was a married man.
He never had a family to interfere with ev'ry plan.
Oh! He never knew that a Tootsywoots
Was a smiling cherub and worst of brutes.
Oh, the party that wrote "Home Sweet Home" never was a married man.

3. When a man's in love, there are things he can't see, or at least not till later on.
Charley married Mabel, a shy little flow'r with a lovely bundle of "con."
Charley came home from the club quite tight,
But he paused just outside his own gate in fright.
There was someone lurking in the pale moon light!
Then he saw the coachman kiss his Mabel goodnight.

CHORUS: Oh, the party that wrote "Home Sweet Home" never was a married man.
He never had a pretty wife that fools him ev'ry time she can.
Oh! He never knew that the help-men-hire
Will spoon with their wives by the parlor fire.
Oh, the party that wrote "Home Sweet Home" never was a married man.