I have assembled you all in the library (said Hercule Poirot) to discuss the theft of certain items from the manor laundry. To whit: a wash tub and a scrubbing board. I have since learned that the housekeeper has also lost ten metal thimbles. A large cider jug has gone from the pantry too.
Last night, Captain Hastings, you thought you saw someone on the terrace with a large unlit cigar in his mouth and you heard the cry of a corncrake.
I have applied my little grey cells and have to confront you with the shocking news, the curate has the boys' club forming a skiffle group (gasps of horror) and it was he practicing the kazoo, for as you know, corncrakes are unknown in this part of the world. If you look under his bed, Inspector Japp you will find a cheap Eko guiitar and a copy of Bert Weedon's "Tune a day Guitar method."
Do not try to deny it, the Bishop (not Dickie)has been informed and is sending you as a missionary to Orillia to give you a chance to consider your future.
My suspicions were first aroused when you announced "Rock Island Line" instead of "Rock of Ages" at the Colonel's funeral. A mere slip of the tongue, but, how telling.
As for who stabbed the Colonel with an assegai, I have no idea, but as they say in Belgium, who gives a merde? Hastings, a tisane please.
RtS ( a poor contribution to this splendid thread, but mine own -for once)