Bernard Bought a Motor Car:

Bernard bought a motor car, motor car, motor car
Bernard bought a motor car, for riding in the country (pronounced cuntray in Black Cuntray)
Only cost him eight pound ten, eight pound ten, eight pound ten,
Only cost him eight pound ten, including the insurance

His first trip went rather well, rather well, rather well
His first trip went rather well, until he reached a hill

Car began to pick up speed, pick up speed, pick up speed,
Car began to pick up speed, much to his consternation

Pushed the brake down to the floor, to the floor, to the floor.
Pushed the brake down to the floor, but still the car went faster -

(up the tempo with each line)
Grabbed the handbrake, pulled it hard, pulled it hard, pulled it hard,
Grabbed the handbrake, pulled it hard, it came off in 'is hand!

(getting frantic)
Slammed her into 2nd gear, 2nd gear, 2nd gear
Slammed her into 2nd gear, the engine fell to pieces!

Then he saw a herd of cows, herd of cows, herd of cows
Then he saw a herd of cows, a-blocking up the roadway...

Look out! look out! Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Drove into a duckpond that conveniently was near! Look out!!! Splash

- followed by hall of the mountain king on flute then -

Now Bernard's bought himself a motorcycle for twenty-seven pounds ten!

Came on this site to find the words to "Nudist Colony" but not here it seems.