How to take a shower like a 13-year-old young lady.

1. Announce to the whole family that you are going to take a shower.
2. Hang out with the family in the kitchen or living room if the conversation seems interesting. Interject rude remarks every time your brother says anything.
3. If one of your brothers goes into the bathroom, yell at them to keep it short because you're about to take a shower.
4. Receive four phone calls. Make two.
5. Continue conversation with family, ignoring Mom's pointed comments about "you said you wanted to talk to me privately before bed and I'm not going to stay up all night so you'd better get in the shower."
6. Go into bathroom. Lock door. Do something for half an hour that doesn't involve running water.
7. Whenever anybody asks through the door what you're doing, yell, "I'm taking a shower, duh!"
8. If they ask how you're taking a shower without water running, make a loud noise indicating your displeasure with their existence on the planet.
9. Start water running. Adjust temperature until it's perfect. Be sure to splash lots of water on the floor.
10. Undress. Leave all clothes on floor or bathroom counter.
11. Step into shower. Wash self slowly. Wash hair with each type of shampoo in the shower stall.
12. Remember that "your" shampoo is sitting on the bathroom floor by the sink. Get out of shower, get it, get back in. Be sure to get lots more water on the floor.
13. Yell at Mom to remind her to buy more of "your" shampoo, and about how disgusted you are that your slimy brother uses it, and why can't he get his own brand?
14. When Mom yells "What?" through the door, yell "Never Mind!" in your most disgusted voice. Repeat noise made in step 8.
15. Turn off shower. Immediately hop out onto the bath mat, without allowing time for water to drip off your body, thereby completing the floor-wetting process, the final result of which is that the floor mat has more water in it than most Minnesota lakes.
16. Grab the nearest towel. Dry some of your body. Decide this towel isn't good enough. Drop it on the floor.
17. Grab another towel. Dry some more of your body. If your body seems dry enough, drop towel on floor. If not, drop towel on floor and grab another towel and repeat this step.
18. Dry your hair with yet another towel. Drop it on the floor.
19. Blow-dry hair.
20. Decide to paint nails a new color. Start, then realize you haven't dressed yet and it will take 20 minutes for the nail polish to dry, during which you won't be able to get dressed.
21. Remove nail polish applied in step 20. Leave used kleenex or TP on the counter.
22. When Mom knocks on the door and repeats the warning she made in step 5, repeat noise made in step 8.
23. Unlock door. Begin to open it. Realize you're naked and lock it again.
24. Grab yet another towel. Wrap yourself in it. Unlock door.
25. Emerge, wrapped in towel. Yelling, "Don't look!" walk slowly to bedroom, unless the conversation in the kitchen or living room seems interesting as you pass.

--Alex (who knows whereof he speaks!)