Just arrived in time to see Joe Offer (or someone very like him) tucking into the last available portion of haggis.

Morticia passed me her left over neeps and tatties, but someone had stubbed out a cigarette in it, and there was a pool of yellowish and pungent fluid on the plate that I didn't care to examine too closely. Spot!!!

Anyway, I've just selected the "Best of Jake Thakray" CD on the Jukebox, so while Matt R's choice Oasis album finishes I'll have a treble Bowmore and a jug of water please.

Oh, yes, a pack of hedgehog flavour crisps, please. No I don't care about the sell-by date - they're traditional flavoured.