Nah then, chaps. Time to lighten up. These two clueless chappies (I'll lump them together and call them boob-ache just so you know to whom I refer) are having a desperate go at getting the poison back in. No debate is possible. I'm going to change the subject. They can't complain because they're already off-topic themselves, innit. So here goes.

What have we not talked about recently?

Er, lessee... maybe not footie (even though I'm jubilant about Man U getting beaten by Chelsea last night - where's old Mike when you need to gloat!) Not cheese - already come up in another thread...School dinners, done it already...

I know. Eggs. Don't worry, I won't rehash that Yorkshire omelette joke. I love eggs in any shape or form. Used to drink 'em straight from the shell until Edwina Currie put me off with her Salmonella scare. Used to beat three eggs with a drop of brandy and drink 'em for brekkie when I was at university. Cold hard boiled in a picnic, beautiful. Scotch eggs, glorious. Waitrose do one with black pudding. A little belter. Sunny side up, sunny side down, I don't care if they're a bit snotty. Share, fellers, share. And don't bloody tell me you're allergic to eggs. You'll be getting baseless assertions if you do that.