The song 'Newcastle Brown' is often preceded by a short poem called 'Ma's Constipation':

Me Granny told me a story once all about the day Ma Firkin caught constipation and it wouldn't go away,
So they sent for Dr Firkin, now he came from Wallsend,   
But when pills and potions didn't work they thought they'd best try tother end,   
So they sent for Uncle Firkin, now he was a building wrecker, not a man of medicine its true but he had a black and decker,
So they drilled away for a week and a day with Ma rolled on her belly, but all they found was two half crowns, three candles and a welly.
So then they sent for cousin Firkin and he came from Geordie town and with him he did bring six crates of Newcastle Brown!
After only 18 pints Ma wept tears of joy. Said the cousin see I told you it'll cure any firkin man, woman or boy.
They started a bed pan service out into the yard, where the drains all filled up rapidly and the rhubarb grew like mad.
There's a happy ending to all of this, if it's to be believed. Cos the next day's papers headlines were: Ma Firkins been relieved.

You then go straight into the song: Newcastle Brown


A long time ago in the land of the Tyne,
The natives were all getting tired of wine,
So they dredged up some mud from the Tyne river bed,
Added a gallon of nitro, and then proudly said:

CHORUS: "Call it Newcastle Brown, Newcastle Brown.
It's the finest old beer that you'll find in this town.
I'd walk many a mile, to sit here in style
And drink of the Newcastle Brown."

A drunken young Geordie got married quite quick
To a pretty young lass that he'd put up the – stairs.
On the night of the wedding her face was quite red
For it wasn't a jerry stuck under the bed.

CHORUS: It was Newcastle Brown....

A Japanese tourist went back to Japan,
And when he was asked by the Jap customs man,
"What have you to declare?" he said, "Six Wedgwood plates,
A bottle of whiskey and twenty six crates—

CHORUS: "Of Newcastle Brown...."

A wayward young climber who fell from a fell
Parted body from soul and went down to hell.
As he entered the furnace, what did he find?
There was the Devil p***** out of his mind—

Chorus: "On Newcastle Brown...