Not entirely happy with this, but I'm sure Gershon Legman would have appreciated it

Three friends drinking in a pub start talking about how they were going to be in trouble with their wives when they get home late
They finally decide that when they got home they will obey every request their spouses' make to the letter, without question - they agree to meet the following night to swap experiences
As arranged, they met up the following night; two of them cut and scratched and the third totally untouched.
"What happened to you two?" the unscathed one asked.
"Well", said the first, "I got home, rather the worse for wear, as you know, knocked the bin over and broke the milk bottles on the step - my wife shouted down from the bedroom, "That's right, wake all the neighbors" - so I did".
The second one said, "something similar happened to me".
I decided to make myself a cup of tea and dropped the cup and saucer on the floor".
My wife shouted down, "Why don't you smash all the crockery while you're at it? - so I did - this is the result".
They sat in silence for a few minutes and one of the war wounded asked, "You seem to have come out unscathed, Tommy - what happened to you?"
"Well lads", he said, "I got home and found I was feeling very randy, so I got into bed, tapped my wife on the shoulder and said, "how about it?"
She said, "You can cut that out for a start - (opening his hand) - ever seen one of these up close before?"
Jim Carroll