Third in the Hobo Hornbook's Lehigh Valley Sequence is "Down in the Mohawk Valley."

DOWN IN THE MOHAWK VALLEY

Here is one of the innumerable parodies on that hobo
classic, "Down in Lehigh Valley." It represents hobo
humour at its best. The sentimental tramp ballad is
frequently familiar to the '"homeguards," but from the
hobo elocutionists one is far more likely to hear some
take-off on the original poem.

Let me sit down here, stranger, and don't look at me so black,
I just got throwed off a freight-train, and now I'm hoofin' back.
Yes, I'm a bum and I know it; I reckon they's more like me,
But once I was young and handsome—as fair as you'll ever see.

It was down in the Mohawk Valley where me and my family grew,
And I ran the village gin mill and I made lots of jack, too.
Me and my wife and Nellie—Nellie was just sixteen—
And she was as a fair a crittur as mortal eyes ever seen.

Sweethearts? Say, she had a million that came from near and far
Just to have her serve 'em a snort of gin o'er my black walnut bar;
She could have married a fortune and been free from every harm
If she'd wanted to marry a "homeguard" and live on a Valley farm.

But Nell was danged perticuler, and she turned 'em all away.
She had no likin' fer churnin' cream or the smell of new mown hay;
Nell wanted to be a lady, and live in a high-class town
And wash her hands in a finger-bowl and wear a low-cut gown.

And then along came a stranger, with handsome face and fair,
With an eye-brow on his upper lip and lard on his raven hair;
One of them smooth-talkin' devils that talks with his flashin' eyes—
And he pitchered his life in the city-—stranger, they was all lies.

Well, Nellie's heart was a-flutter, and she fell for the man that day
And my heart melted like butter when we saw them on their way;
And Nell went into the city and the parson tied the knot
And she took a job in a beanery where they serve the hungry lot.

Well, it was the same old story; the man was a pizen snake,
And he spent every dime and jitney that little Nell could make,
And then one night he left her alone in the cold, wet rain,
Left her flat on her uppers and grabbed a east-bound train.

Well, Nell came home that autumn and brung her brindle pup,
And maw took sick a-thinkin' on how she had brought Nell up;
For Nell had the durndest notions ever spawned in human heads—
She made us buy new furniture and maw and me had twin beds.

She made maw have her hair cut and dresses to show her legs,
And she painted up maw's lips and cheeks so they looked like Easter eggs,
And I had to wear new-fangled pants that drug up dust and dirt,
And a coat that showed my hip pockets and a trick creton shirt.

And maw got to goin' to night clubs and we bought a brand new car,
That made me put a mortgage on our home and on the old gin bar;
And then things all went blooey and they throwed me in the can,
And Nell jumped the coop with a barber and maw 'loped with a travelin' man.

And I got so durned light-hearted I didn't give a darn,
And I started drinkin' moonshine with the gang at the livery barn;
So give me a drink, kind stranger, and I'll hit fer the railroad track
Fer I want to git out of this country—the old woman is comin' back!

Hobo's Hornbook, pp 50-51