The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #161927   Message #3851496
Posted By: Joe Offer
20-Apr-17 - 05:11 PM
Thread Name: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose)
Subject: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose)
I'm working on a database to supplement and explain the Rise Up Singing Songbook. One of the more obscure songs in the book is this one. What with Trump not liking the Russians this week, maybe it's time to resurrect it.

(Philip Hoose)

My town has a plan for its civil defense.
We’ll all take Route 70 when it gets tense.
My wife sewed directions in my underclothes,
So I’ll know where to run when the big whistle blows.

We had a rehearsal last Saturday night
And all things considered our town did all right,
Except on the ramp when that truck tried to pass
And it took us three hours to clean up the glass.

What if the Russians don’t come?
What if they like where they’re from?
What if they’re not in the mood to invade?
What if they’re tired or drunk or afraid?
What would we do if their gen’rals just said, “This is dumb.”
What if the Russians don’t come?

I’ve learned about Russians since I was a tyke
And here’s what I know about what they are like
They don’t believe in God and they never have fun
They’re brain—washed and dull and they all weigh a ton

And in the Olympics whenever we meet
Their women are men and their judges all cheat
But maybe you shouldn’t rely just on me
‘Cause I’ve not seen a Russian except on TV

What if the Russians have lives?
What if they’re husbands and wives?
If they come home late from work on the bus,
And have to fix dinner for children that fuss,
They might be too tired to come put us under their thumb
What if the Russians don’t come?

The president says we’re behind in the race,
And we need his new missile just to keep pace.
If we don’t stay up with them lap after lap,
The Russians will come blow us right off the map.

Well I may be dumb, but sometimes I forget
What I’ve got against all these folks I ain’t met
I can’t figure out why they want World War III
Could it be they’re wonderin’ the same about me?

What if the Russians are scared?
What if they’re all unprepared?
Maybe that Ivan's as tired as I am?
Tired of worrying about Uncle Sam?
Why don't we stop before one of us does something dumb?
What if the Russians don't come?

©1983 Phillip M. Hoose.

Notes: Phil Hoose, from St. Paul, Minnesota, asks the musical question "What If the Russians Don't Come?" in the following song about East-West Relations. It's available on cassette which also features that soon-to-be country standard "Tonight I Missed Miller Time Again" from Precious Pie Music, 1652 Hewitt Ave., St. Paul MN 55104 (1983 address)

Source: Sing Out! Magazine, Volume 30, Number 4, Oct-Nov-Dec 1984, pp. 68-69

Charlie King recording:

I'm too lazy to do it now, but I'll transcribe a MIDI on request.