A VARRY HARD BED!

TEUN- "The Laird 0' Cockpen."

HE wes lyin asleep i' the broad day-leer,
Stritch'd oat his full length i' the wide open street;
The curb-stone his pillow, quite helpless wes Ned,
Unconscious he lay on a varry hard bed.

Sumtimes he wad grummil at foaks passin by,
Then he'd give a greet snore, an' heave a greet sigh;
Not dreamin that cairts on his toes might hev tred,
He lay there se drunk on his varry hard bed.

A crood gether'd roond, an' the pollis perplext,
Cud dent waken him up, so they got varry vext;
For a stritcher one off te the station-hoose sped,
Then they carried him off tiv anuther hard bed.

He slept a' 'the neet, but next mornin, se sair,
He waken'd, an' started te find he'sel there;
He luckt roond aboot him, says he,
"Aw's misled, For if this is maw hoose it's a different bed! "

"Whativer on orth's browt us here?" ·then he said,
"Aw diddent cum here be me-sel, aw's aflaid ;
Aw'd slept just as weel in abroken-doon shed,
Me byens may weel ake on this hard-hearted bed! "

But the pollis com In, an' it open'd his eyes,
When the magistrates spoke he luckt up wi' surprise;
Says they, "Ye've had lodgins since hereye war led:"
Says he, "But ye gov us an awful hard bed

I' It cost him ten shillins,-he myed his way hyem,
Wi' heed-ake, an' heart-ake, an' byens just the syem ;
Says he, "Ne mair fuddlin, such nonsense is fled,
Aw've cum te maw senses upon that hard bed!"

The above can also be used as a Recitation.

-Source: Joe Wilson, (author) Songs and Drolleries, 1890