Since my hubris knows no bounds, I thought I'd rewrite Hallelujah with lyrics that were less poetically unfathomable. Also, I wanted to avoid the 'must rhyme with hallelujah' trap that forced the silly 'outdrew you' rhyme. It took Leonard two years to write this song. My version took fifteen minutes and it makes sense. My mother says it is much better than the original.

Hallelujah – the original version

A kid was born in Bethlehem
And I am not one to condemn
But Mary, who's the daddy of the baby?
You say that God from up above
Enticed you with his holy love
So Joseph rolls his eyes and whispers "maybe."
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

The kid won't work for Joe no more.
He's kicking down the temple door.
They're saying he's a crazy agitator.
Instead of doing daily chores
He hangs around with local whores
And claims he does the work of his creator
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

He's got some guys he hangs around
And gives some sermons on a mound.
But all I hear are whisperings and omens.
He's saying things he shouldn't say
But he will never back away
And soon he's gonna get it from the Romans
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

He went too far and now he's lost
They got him hanging from a cross
And some are saying, "Christ, I hardly knew ye."
While others cry that they suspect
That someday he will resurrect
And on that day they'll sing out Hallelujah!
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!