Lyrics to their famous 'Aldershot Brass Band'

"__" signifies change of tune

Barker: Evening Jack and how are you?

Corbett: Fine how's yourself-

Barker: Don't ask me.

Barker: Mavis put me on a diet, she says if my tum gets bigger, I'll be too fat to reach the drum, Jack, and lot's of other things as well.

Barker: Tell me how's your love life Jack?

Corbett: Full of the joys of Spring mate-

Barker: Is it still that six-foot brunette, the one with the enormous...

Corbett: Yes her name is MaryJane, she works at the mattress factory she says life like a bed is what you make it, as long as you take it lying down. __

Corbett: Where did you get that hat?

Barker: I got it from the stores, isn't it a little one I think it must be yours-

Corbett: I have got a big one-

Barker: I'm quite sure of that.

Corbett: I didn't mean my flaming head-

Barker: And I didn't mean your hat.

__

Corbett: Old Herbert's drunk again, he's well away. He's got a bottle with a rubber tube poked down his trousers. He sits then plays away-

Barker: With any luck, we'll all get showered with scotch if he decides to blow instead of suck.

__

Corbett: I don't half fancy a drink myself.

Barker: They should put beer on the national health.

Corbett: You'd see a different show tonight, the band would get hissed and Mozart and Liszt-

Barker: Your probably right.

__

Barker: As soon as we both finish here, why don't we have a meal round the Chinese, or else I shall go off me nut, 'cause my stomach thinks my throat's been cut.

Corbett: I'd much rather go round the pub, to refloat my kidney that is sinking, I don't want to fill up with grub, that little space that I've reserved to pour some drink in.

__

Corbett: Ain't it a pity the pubs in the city all close at half past ten, if I had the power they'd close for an hour and open up again. I could get chronic on vodka and tonic til anytime I like, and while the policeman watched me car I'd nip home on his bike.

Barker: Oh how I'd love to eat anything I wanted, bangers and beans, and enormous lumps of fried bread, then choppered chips, and steak and kidney pies, by a girl who loves cooking who's big and good-looking whose dumplings are double the size-

(those two together)

Both: -and then we'd all have a damn good time!

Barker: All peaches and cream-

Corbett: Then vodka and lime

Both: To eat and drink and to be in prime, enough is enough let's go and get stuffed together.

__

Barker: Prawn chopped suet and a chicken fritter-

Corbett: Large Drambuie and a pint of bitter, Corkscrews and waiters-

Barker: Roast potatoes, hurry up and finish with these bleedin' gladiators-

Corbett: Weak Peapicker, a Napoleon Brandy, two dry sherries and a half a shandy-

Barker: I'll run-a-muck, two crispy duck!

Corbett: Wishing you the best of luck!

__

Barker: Herbert's drunk so much he can hardly stand-

Corbett: I have got a rather similar occasion planned.

Both: So before it all gets out of hand, it's goodnight from the boys in the band!