BOB THE DOG
As sung by Con Ó Drisceoil in a field recording found Góilín Song Project.

1. I'll sing of a dog they called Bob in this mournful rhyme.
With a surgical blade he was spayed while still in his prime.
He was properly vexed when his sexual ambitions were foiled.
He was deprived of romance and his chances of passion are spoiled.

2. In his youth he had sport and he courted with vigor and joy.
His fine apparatus had status that reached to the sky.
The grandest young bitches were itching to have him for life,
But they've all disappeared since his spheres were removed by the knife.

3. And he suffered no slurs from those curs who came looking for fight.
One growl at those whelps and they'd yelp and directly take flight.
But since losing his cluster he's flustered and shaking with fear.
His courage gone limp, he's a wimp without conjugal gear.

4. His technique was so suave with palaver and personal charm.
His foreplay insured, they were lured to fall into his arms.
But since losing his tackle, he's rattled, upset and dismayed.
With no tunes in his flute the poor brute can no longer get laid.

5. And a man came the way yesterday with his bitch for a poke.
He had heard that our hound was renowned for the strength of his yoke.
I said: "Sorry, you're late and your fate with misfortune is crowned.
Since our Bobby got neutered, his shooter can't fire any round."

6. Of the day he was gelded I'll tell, though your nerves will be shot.
He was lying on a slab when a jab of the needle he got.
There was vets in attendance resplendent in surgical robes,
Then with one rapid snip out they whipped his connubial globes.

7. And how can a mutt without nut look(?) to future that's great?
Without utensils nuptial, no pups shall he e'er procreate.
Since losing his fittings he's quitting romantic affairs,
For the skill to seduce is no use when there's nothing downstairs.

8. So the days when this codger would roger all round him have ceased.
He won't couple again with the shin of our old parish priest.
He's trying medical notions and potions that seep through his pores.
His appliance to refuel for his duels he expects to restore.

[You can hear Janet Lynch sing this song on YouTube, but she skips verses 3 and 7.]