Your twisting my words in comedic.

UK does not want a hard border according to the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. No such statement from EU leadership.

If a hard border is imposed it will not be on the UK side.
EU will decide if there is one, but it will be Dublin uniforms behind the barriers.
A hard border will cause hardship on both sides of the border, but the other 26 governments only want to make sure that UK suffers so others do not follow.

UK on one side. Ireland/EU on the other.