Hmmm, a standard response from Pte. Parts - present him with accurate facts in the face of his nonsensical bluster, and he starts moving the goalposts around in a vain effort to 'win'.

Sorry, squaddie - in the immortal words of your dopey mate from Hertford, "You lose".

Now fuck off and Blanco your puttees, or paint the coal white, or whatever they give thick squaddies to fill their time.