i used to play the Boot and Shoe Club in Leicester. One desperate character had scrawled on the wall of the dressing room, " I'm not frightened of them!"

I did one gig on the Sunday lunchtime, before the stripper. A packed roomful of men all reading the Newspaper. THe stripper didn't turn up. THe word went round.
As I stood in the wings, one old bloke said, "Dunna worry lad! They'll be quire pleased to see you. Mostly the act doesn't turn up either...."