I'm not too bad at cooking stuff but I have never been able to poach eggs. I've had those shallow pans with a removable insert for each egg that just makes the white tough and which you then throw away because they cannot be cleaned. I've had silicone egg holders that you're supposed to plunge into boiling water. I've tried adding vinegar. You get vinegar-flavoured eggs. Sheesh. I've tried deep pans with water whipped into a whirlpool. Masses of egg white strands that clog your kitchen for days. But as Mrs Steve was away today, I experimented.

I've finally cracked it (yes, I know...). It's easy.

1. You need a wide, shallow pan of water that's barely simmering. A rolling boil is your worst enemy. You want just the faintest sign of little bubbles. The water needs to be no less than an inch and a half deep.

2. You need very fresh eggs. Those eggs which have a stiff bit of white round the yolk. If your eggs aren't that fresh, make an omelette instead.

3. Crack your eggs individually into cups/glasses, whatever.

4. Feed each egg gently into the water. Hurry up if you have two or three to cook. Keep the water on an eggstremely gentle simmer.

5. No mucking about. No swirling, no bloody Sarsons, nothing. Just leave 'em. You could be getting on with the toast.

6. They need three minutes on a gentle simmer. Lift them out individually on to your buttered toast. A very small sprinkle of salt and pepper is good.   You will never die.