I'm sitting in the garden in my little Noddy suit
With a sparrow on me fishing rod and frog spawn in my boot
Oh it's tiddling down with rain, I've got water on the brain,
But I'll sit here by the pond like King Canute.

The kids have knocked my nose off, and my boots are getting thin,
And the way that they all treat me here, it really is a sin.
And there's a pigeon I can see, he's aiming straight for me,
And the gardener strikes his matches on my shin.

Well, long ago I used to be a king upon a throne.
I met a wicked fairy and she turned me into stone.
And that is why I'm sitting in this garden all alone.
It's not much fun being a gnome.

I'm sitting here a fishing but these fishes never bite.
And anyway it's been so long I've lost my appetite,
Oh it really is a strain, here's that pigeon back again.
Has anybody got some dynamite.

There's a doggy comes to see me every evening after tea,
I used to wonder why he was so very fond of me.
And then I found out why, it hit me in the eye.
Have you ever been mistaken for a tree.

My earhole's full of cobwebs and my doublet doesn't fit.
Sitting on this toadstool well I feel a proper twit.
And the way that they all treat me here it makes me want to spit.
And it's not much fun being a Gnome.

But I'll sit here in the garden in my little Noddy suit.
With a sparrow on my fishing rod and tadpoles in my boots.
Oh it's piddling down with rain, I've got water on the brain.
But I'll sit here by the pond like King Canute, RULE BRITTANIA!
I'll sit here by the pond like King Canute.

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[The Gnome, by Miles Wootton]