Someone mentioned this in another thread, and since we didn't already have it, I figured I ought to post it somewhere--like here.


TALKING AIRPLANE DISASTER
As recorded by Phil Ochs on "The Early Years" (2006).

Well, once I heard some people say:
"If you gotta travel there's just one way.
You gotta leave the ground, gotta go through the air,
Gotta find a pilot and pay your fare.
You gotta sail through the sky."*
In other words, you gotta fly.

Yes, statistics show it's the way to go.
Well, it's safer than your car, you know.
Yes, it's safer than your home, safer than your street,
About the safest place to put your feet.
Statistics don't lie,
But statistics don't die either.

Well, once I heard Bob Dylan say:
"You gotta take a train; it's the only way.
Well, nothing ever happens to trains at all."
There was just one accident he could recall:
A plane crashed into it.
People flyin' in all directions then.

So one day when the sky was blue,
I boarded a plane and off we flew.
Well, I looked out the window, insurance in my hand,
Just like Columbus searchin' for land,
Swearin' I'd never fly again,
Just like the last time.

And then one o' them stewardesses ambled by,
And suddenly I wasn't afraid to die.
Well, she brought me coffee, pillows and tea,
Said: "You're safe as you could be."
She said: "There's nothin' to worry about."
Then she flew out the door somebody forgot to close right.

Well, the plane kept goin' higher an' higher.
I could swear both the wings were on fire,
So I opened up the cockpit door.
The pilot was a-layin' on the floor
With the other stewardess.
Said: "Fly now an' pay later."

Then the plane dropped down about a mile or two.
She lurched about; I swore I was through.
Well, my stomach was heavin'; it was tied in a knot.
A little paper bag was all I got.
That's the bag I'm in.
Pilot said we hit an air pocket.
Must 'a' been a pocket with an awful big hole in it.

Well, at last the trip was near the end.
The airport was comin' around the bend,
But all my anxious eyes could see
Was a thousand planes in the vicinity.
They was landin' an' leavin' an' wavin' at each other,
Wing to wing and brother to brother.
Well, the pilot was swearin' an' swervin' around,
But he said: "Don't worry, gang; we have radar somewhere on the ground."
I wasn't worried.
I was crawlin' up the aisle screamin': "Jesus, save!"

Well, the trip didn't do me too much harm,
But I did spend a year on the happy farm.
Well, they couldn't understand why I kissed the ground,
Chewed the concrete, swallowed it down.
Sure tasted good,
Like LaGuardia dirt should.


* I couldn't tell where the quote was supposed to end, so I arbitrarily put the quotation mark here.--JD