How we laughed! talk about Chinese whispers!
Should be:-

I knock spots off the criminal mind
Providing it's got spots on
Crimes that baffle lesser men, and leave Le Strade at sea
...(etc.)

and

'A la Monterey, dear chap', was the master's quick retort

and

'Must be digestion's waterway..'

and

it feeds upon the flesh upon the beach at Benidorm

and

....it was a piece of duff'


I've just develo[ped a stinking cold, and this exchange has cheered me up no end!

many thanks,

Mick Ryan