With corrections:

I'M A JAZZ VAMPIRE
Carey Morgan (according to The BMI Repertoire)
(some sources say Arthur Swanstrom & Louis Alter)
(some sources say Arthur Swanstrom & Carey Morgan)

Verse:
Say, did you ever hear the saxophone
        Let out an awful moan,Let out an awful groan?
It makes you feel so nervous, yet it's great.
        It's the saxophone a-callin' to its mate.
That sweet coquette, The clarinet,
        Now listen for a minute and the birth of jazz you'll hear,
And where there is a little jazz, you'll always find me near,

Chorus:
For I'm a jazz vampire,
Shake a foot, shake a foot, shake a foot with me and dance, dance.
Dancing is my specialty,
Wise men keep out o' my way, They know I'll lead 'em astray.
They fall the minute I sway,I insist you can't resist a
Jazz vampire.
Take a tip, take a tip, take a tip from me,
For I am all the evil music has.
Went down to the river, stood on the bank,
Shook my shoulders and the boats all sank,
For I'm the meanest kind of
jazz vampire - I'm the wicked vampire of the jazz.

Patter:
Get up in the morning and I make the coffee whole,
Ham and eggs turn over, put the crullers in a hole
Get upon a trolley car, the car begins to sway,
Sit upon a half a dozen laps to start the day
I walk into the office and I greet the starter there.
Six or seven elevators go up in the air.
Sit down at my Remington and syncopate the keys.
The fellow by the water stand gets water on the knee.
The boss dictates a letter: "Dear Sir, I'd like to state?".
The man who gets the letter has to stop and hesitate.
And when the day is over and the sun sets in the west,
Say I'm the only little bird who doesn't go to rest,

Chorus (2nd half):
For I'm a jazz vampire.
Take a tip, take a tip, take a tip from me
For I am all the evil music has.
I stood by the ocean, no one around,
Shook my shoulders and the sun went down,
For I'm the meanest kind of jazz vampire.
I'm the wicked vampire of the jazz.