After I wrote that last post I gathered up the leashes and took the dogs on a short walk into the woods across the road - this is their absolute favorite place for walks, best in cool weather without ticks and when the leaves are off of poison ivy. We did one last full-sensory walk for my elderly pitbull, because I called this morning to make her final appointment at the vet. She'd been ill for a while, but over the weekend things started go to more wrong, and there was no getting over this. There were still wags and kisses left, but they were few and farther between and she wasn't happy any more. The other dogs kept examining her, and one of them sat quietly and licked her eyes yesterday, like they were maybe hurting and needed attention. She loved to have her face and ears rubbed.

I realize I haven't walked the dogs much lately because she wasn't feeling good, but now walks will be therapy for the other two. They have to adjust to the pack being smaller (seriously - if you take one dog out without the other two, that dog is distressed because they feel they need to go everywhere together.)

I've had better days, but as sad as this is, it is a relief, because I realize that keeping her on medications (hoping to keep her comfortable) was more for me than for her when the kind thing would have been to do this months ago. I was trying to spare my own heart, yet mourning her soon-to-be departure every day.

Pets are complicated. I don't call them "fur babies" or act like they're my children, but they are definitely non-human people in the family. I had to tell the next door neighbor, who has been giving each dog a biscuit a day over the back fence for the last dozen years. And the kids. And the ex. And the friends who I think sometimes come to see my dogs more than to see me. . .

I don't plan to start a special thread or post any more about this, but I'll use this one day and this one thread to share. There are all kinds of loss, categories of mourning. We expect to outlive our pets, so as painful as their loss is, I don't expect it to rise to the level of other passings discussed in this thread.