The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #163320 Message #3895376
Posted By: Jim Carroll
23-Dec-17 - 04:01 AM
Thread Name: Lyr ADD: The Pill (Matt McGinn)^^^
Subject: Lyr Add: BRIDGET AND THE PILL (Brian Pearson)
"Also known as "Bridget and the Pill", I think."
BRIDGET AND THE PILL. words by Brian Pearson.
Tune Traditional (Paddy and the Whale)
Bridget O'Reilly was a fine-looking girt,
Her skin was like ivory, her teeth were like pearls,
The fellers all chased her in vain, till one day,
She went and got married to Barney O'Shea.
They'd been married a year when to their pride and joy
Along came a baby, a fine strapping boy,
When three years had passed, they'd two boys and a girl,
How to feed them and clothe them made Bridget's head whirl
Bridget went to the priest, she was near desperation
Because of this process of constant gestation,
Saying,'Father, this business is making me ill,
Would it be a sin if I took to the pill'
The priest heard her story and when he had heard it
To higher authority, perplexed he referred it,
But the Bishops were baffled, the Cardinals too,
Not one could tell Bridget just what she should do;
Two years they debated with holy profundity
What could be done about Bridget's fecundity,
For by now Bridget's children amounted to FIVE,
And she scarcely was able to keep them alive.
They gave due attention to points theological',
Points philosophic and physiological,
Till in desperation, the Pope cried, 'O sod !
There's just one thing to do, I'd best go and ask GOD .
So the POPE sent a letter by five-penny post<
On Papal note-paper, addressed HOLY GHOST
'Please send me an answer in double quick time,
You can reach me at home, just ring VAT 69:
The answer came and the POPE he pronounced it,
Oral contraception, he strongly denounced it,
All chemical means to prevent procreation
Are banned on the pain of Eternal Damnation.
If we were to permit it, unashamed fornication
Would spread like a flash to all parts of the nation,
There'd be plagues, fires and famine and moral pollution,
Atheistical notions and RED Revolution!
But Bridget, my dear, there's no need of frustration,
Because of the banning of this medication,
For the CHURCH she is merciful, holy and gracious;
The old rhythm method you'll find efficacious,
Get away, now says she, I'll have none of your row,
For I've tried it before and just look at me now!
For whatever we did, I continued to BREED.
And she's off to the chemist with MAXIMUM SPEED.
Now, the Church is in ferment and great trepidation
Lest such thoughts should spread to the whole congregation '
And they've issued a record to prevent a schism,
By the Pope and the Hierarchy, called 'I GOT RHYTHM'.