Morticia,
I am the general manager of a small company that employs 40 people. I have the place organized into teams (they used to be "departments"). We really do have team based efforts, so I never hire anyone unless I am pretty sure they will work well as part of a team. One thing I have never done is tell someone that they were not a good team player. That is meaningless doublespeak. When someone's behavior needs to change, the manager should address specifics in as clear a way as possible.

It sounds like you have a manager who is not very good at communicating. Tell her that you have taken her comments to heart and ask for her expertise and help in learning to be a better team player. As someone said earlier, this will force her into the role of trainer, where she should have been in the first place. It will also play to her ego, which is a fine thing to do if it doesn't make you feel dishonest within yourself. And it will force her to tell you what she thinks you ought to act like, which will give you the information you need to decide whether or not you can put up with staying there. One thing to always keep in mind is that employment is a two way street. It has to work for you as well as for the company. If you get information that makes it sound like it is not the place for you, don't be afraid to quit (do it nicely, with at least a two weeks notice).

Another thing to keep in mind is that qualified, intelligent people are very much in demand by employers. I usually get one decent applicant out of every 25 or so when I advertise for a job. I don't know what happens to the rest of those people, but I find myself being pitifully greatful when someone walks in who is intelligent, presentable, alert, and who understands that they need to look at the interview from my point of view as well as from their own.

It is an unfortunate truth that managers who give lip service to the team idea without really understanding it say things like "you are not a team player" when they are trying to find a justification for firing an employee. Yes, you have cause to be alarmed. But rather than worry about, find out how to turn the whole thing to your advantage. You can use this to make your life better, with or without the job you currently have.

John Peekstok