Hahahaha! You sound a bit like the cartoon character 'Desperate Dan' Steve! Didn't he hammer his stubble back into his chin with a mallet?

We're dead common, us. I don't even know what quinoa is, nor amaranth, nor yet goji berries.
And there isn't a Waitrose anywhere near here. That's for posh people. We're Tesco, Lidl and Asda folk.

I'm not being catty or anything, but I've seen Nigella on TV, and while I'm sure she's a very nice lady and all that, I just can't see why men lust after her.