You are holding to your position as ultimate curmudgeon numero uno, Mr Red. Most human activities that involve participation by numbers of people, either as actors or spectators, have downsides. Three thousand people die on our roads every year. Horse racing over fences can cause horrible injuries to animals and promote gambling addiction. Protest marches often descend into violence. Referendums give terrible results. Downsides and occasional inconveniences to non-participants are part of humanity itself. Live and let live. The fact that it isn't exactly a majority who enjoy footie is no argument at all (would you use that argument against classical concerts or folk gigs? Glastonbury? Woodstock?), neither is it that millions of grown men, more than who go to football, like to spend their spare time engaged in a so-called sport that involves spearing terrified inedible fish through their bottom lips with a viciously-barbed hook. To me, watching paint dry is far more entertaining than watching snooker on the telly, but so what? Religion attracts many pejoratives, but the fact that only a minority of people attend church on Sunday is hardly a legitimate one. You see only downsides. Where's your sense of balance?

Football is too flowing to be able to accommodate cheerleaders, Dave, though what wouldn't be to like about a bit of a show just before kickoff and at half-time! When I were a little lad and going to matches at t'Gigg (Bury FC), the brass band would march out on to the pitch as on as the half-time whistle went. My mum was the registrar for years at Bury Cemetery (the dead centre of the town), which was right next door to Gigg Lane. It was more than possible for players to boot the ball over the not-very-high stand roof in between. Footballs found on graves was an occasional talking-point!