Many years ago one of my friends, Ronda, had a German boyfriend. He was called Hans-Werner, and never have I met a more humourless individual.
He was a banker from Munich and had the characteristic that, if asked his opinion, he just gave it, no holds barred.

We were all going out to dinner together, and Ronda appeared in a very nice outfit. She had bright red hair and always looked super. She foolishly asked him if he liked her dress. He replied,
"You are much too fett Ronda, und so it is much too teit. You need to loosss a lot ov weight."

We called him Hans, Knees and Boomps-a-daisy behind his back.