Back in pre-history I lived with a stunning and highly ambitious woman...I know, what the hell was she doin' with a lazy folksinger...and she tried everything in her power to get me to learn an alternative trade. (ya know, something "stable" for when the gigs dried up!)

She insisted I go with her to a lecture by a man named Chester "Bud" Roberts, who'd tell us all how to be successful in "sales".

Now today I wouldn't go across the street to see someone named either 'Chester', or especially a 50 year old man who called himself "Bud" (it's like "Biff"), but as Dylan says "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now".

We sat down surrounded by folks who either looked like "Ken" without Barbie, or recent tiny brown immigrant men from Sri Lanka. I was incredibly nervous and uncomfortable (these were the days before I discovered Quentin Crisp, and real false courage) and when "Bud" strode on the stage like the super-confidant big shot he was, I wanted to run out the door.

He spent an hour and a half telling us we could be "anything we wanted to be in America". I guess he'd forgotten he was in Canada at the time! All we needed was 'shined shoes, a 'proper' haircut, an expensive suit, and most importantly, a Cadillac!! He said we should go into debt if neccessary for the car, because "all good salesmen know you have to impress the client first before they'll buy from you". It struck me as it would help a lot if you were also white, six foot three, and looked and spoke like Rush Limbaugh (he did). He opened his suit jacket and showed us the fancy lining, and then pulled off his Rolex and waved it in our unsuccessful faces. His last parlour trick was to produce his wallet and let at least 25 credit cards unfold in their plastic covers. One of his techniques to keep us on our toes, was to spin around and very suddenly point to someone in the audience and exclaim "isn't that RIGHT sir", after giving us a sales tip. Some of the shyer immigrant men, practically passed out when he pointed at them.

Needless to say I left the lecture feeling an even bigger fuck-up than when I'd come in, and wondering if Nancy was fantasizing about which Hotel "Bud" was staying at.

Struck me as this kind of approach has a lot of built in flaws. I know it depends a lot on "positive thinking" and radiating self-confidence, but I can't help but thinking that unless you grow up with that kind of garrulous, "take charge" attitude, you can buy all the Rolexes in New York, but you're still gonna look like someone IMPERSONATING a super salesman.....and customers will see through it.

My Dad was a pharmaceutical saleman, and although I think he would have agreed with the "shoeshine" part, I think he would have said that a REALLY thorough knowledge of the product, hard work and a pleasant manner would be all that you'd need to be a success. 'Course he was coming from a still earlier time.

Thanks for indulging me. I have know idea why this memory came up, other than I think Spaw mentioned "sales seminar" in another thread.

Contributions welcome.

Rick