I wish I had never been born -- but who has such luck? Not one in ten thousand.

Who was Aristotle's purple pupil?
Alexander the grape.

Why do so many people smoke after intercourse?
Inadequate lubrication.

What is half of one and six dozen of the other?
A gross discrepancy.

Why were you born in New York?
I wanted to be near my mother.

What's a joint like this doing in a nice girl like you?

How do you tell the men from the boys?
By the size of their feet and price of their toys.

Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?

What comes between fear and sex?
Fumph.

What do Christian Science, creation science, political science, and computer science have in common?