Takeaway my arse. Go to your fishmonger and buy two bloody big hunks of cod loin. Or haddock, pollack or hake. Tell the bugger to pinbone 'em. It's what you pay yer money for. Ten quid max and you are getting FISH. Don't get tail-ends. Those bits are good but best for fish pies.

Get some salad spuds, Charlotte type of thing. Cut them into chips. £1.50. Parboil in salty water for ten minutes. Meanwhile, turn your oven up to full whack. Drain the spuds thoroughly. Get a baking tray and put several tablespoons of groundnut oil in it. Tip your drained chips into it and toss with the oil. Put into fierce oven.

At this point you need to consider your peas. Birdseye frozen, very very good. At the last minute you can think about mushing them up with a fork and a bit of garlic, butter and mint, optional. Or you can buy a bag of frozen Morrisons mushy and boil them (in a lot less water than the bag says, and don't forget the salt) for about 20 minutes. They are the real mushy deal, believe me. 25p for two people. Up to you.

When you reckon your chips have ten minutes to go, decant them into another tray. Your original chip tray is now required for your fish. Turn the oven down to 200C. Place your fish hunks skin side down on the vacated chip tray. Baste with a mixture of lemon juice, olive oil, salt and pepper, a hint of squashed garlic and a few fresh thyme leaves. Put in oven along with chips. After eight minutes, check for doneness. Your chips and peas should be at the ready if you're any good. Eight minutes may be not quite enough but overcooked fish is a very very very bad thing. Part the fish gently with a fork to make sure it doesn't look too raw still inside, but don't be over-cautious.

There you go. Fish, chips and mushy peas done your way. Get it right and you'll never lust for batter again. Well not quite anyway...