If I could get off my arse, literally off the bog, I should be an activist for public transport and cycling...

But in my militant student youth I never dreamt I'd end up stuck in the house
as such an overweight, lethargic, apathetic lump of old bloke health conditions...

Damn that Madonna,
she's only a few weeks older than me, and there's bugger all wrong with her feet, knees, and bowels
a few million dollars can't sort out...

Mind you, Michael Jackson and Prince were also only a few weeks older than me...