and finally it's Tom...

The Green Green Grass of Home

1.The old crowd looks the same, as I step out on the stage.
And there’s the roar of the same old fans to greet me,
Oh it’s Alice, Doris, Lily and Mary,
Skin a little wrinkly and chins a little hairy
They’ve all been put out to the green, green grass of home.

2. When they were maidens young and fair, they used to throw their underwear,
Upon the stage where I would strut my stuff so boldly
Now it’s only ladies of a certain age, who still try to throw their knickers on the stage,
But they’ve been put out to the green green grass of home

And those knickers hot and sweaty, they rained down like confetti,
And landed on the green green grass of home.

3. I used to use those knickers as a towel to wipe the sweat from off my brow,
And throw them back to the sound of all that screaming,
But nowadays I’m not so keen, because, after all, you don’t know where they’ve been,
It’s so sad to think of that green green grass of home.

4.Well you wouldn’t hear me complain, when those knickers fell like rain,
Though one or two had probably been weed in,
But nowadays before they start throwing , they’ve probably wet themselves without even knowing,
They’re out to graze on the green, green grass of home.

And those knickers hot and sweaty, they rained down like confetti,
And landed on the green green grass of home.

3. These days I move a little slower, my voice a little lower,
But as we all know things drop as we get older,
Some of those knickers won’t reach me, this I know,
They’ll only get as far as the second row,
And land there on the green green grass of home.

6. Oh, just like these ladies her, these are my twilight years,
And I suppose I’d better enjoy the time remaining
And no use pretending , though it’s sad,
Look out, here comes an incontinence pad,
It’s a health and safety issue on the green, green grass of home.


And those knickers hot and sweaty, they rained down like confetti,
As I sang of the green green grass of home.