I can't remember where I got it from either, or even if it was England or New Zealand, but the one I learned is close to Vectis'.
The Dirge of the Disgruntled Cow.
How dreary the farm and the meadows. The sheep-pens are gloomy and grey. Now the one bit of fun in the years dreary run Has by science been taken away.
I've just given birth to a heifer, And of pride and of milk I am full, But it's sad to relate that my lacteal state Was not brought about by a bull.
No, I've never been naughty, I swear it! In spite of the calf that I've borne. By Farmer Brown's tractor, I'm virgo intacta. I've never had a bull by the horn!
I know that the farm is a business In which we must all pull our weight, And I'd pull, oh I'd pull, for strongly-built bull. It's this phony arrangement I hate.
It mustn't be thought that I'm jealous, There are things a cow shouldn't say, But those land-army tarts, who handle our parts, Still get it the old-fashioned way!