On Shane's advice I purchased a slim little hardbound volume on Amazon, entitled "How to Seduce a Sudbury Skank".

It had only 10 pages of text, following the title page, the copyright page, the acknowledgements, the author's foreword, the dedication, the quotation from Ed Skint, and the table of contents.

On the first page of text it said: Offer her some money.

On the second page: Offer her some weed.

On the third page: Offer her a beer.

And so on....

I think I've been ripped off here.