I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED (I'M HAVING TOO MUCH FUN)
Words and music by Myrtle Boland, James A Brennan, & William Jerome, ©1924.

I. Lyrics from the sheet music at Indiana Historical Society:

1. I passed a church today when I heard the strains of Lohengrin,
And so I wandered in
While the wedding bells were ringing,
Choir singing.
Then when all was still I could hear them when they said: "I do."
That happy pair
Standing there
Just thrilled me through and through.

CHORUS 1: But I don't want to get married; I'm having too much fun.
I don't want to be bothered with any certain one.
Why let them get serious? I know how it would end.
I'd only get a husband, but I'd lose a darn good friend.
First he's telling the world you're the light of his young life,
But you know well that light's gone out when he says: "Meet the wife."
Now married men are nice; that's true,
But not the one you're married to.
I don't want to get married; I'm having too much fun.

2. Last night I made a call on a married couple that I know.
They're wed five years or so,
But I've never seen them scrappy.
They seem happy
With their kiddies playing around, it was a real love-nest.
Now surely this
Must be bliss.
I really was impressed.

CHORUS 2: But I don't want to get married; I'm having too much fun.
I don't want to be bothered with any certain one.
What's the use of battling with a husband ev'ry night?
Say, I can join the army any time I want to fight.
I have plenty of boyfriends; I love them all the same.
To marry one and leave the rest would be an awful shame.
So I'll stay single for their sake
And give them all an even break.
I don't want to get married; I'm having too much fun.

II. As recorded by Billy Murray and Ed Smalle, 1925. I have used a dash to indicate a change of speaker.

SPOKEN: Say, Bill: I was thinking of you this morning.
— Yes? Well, what turned your thoughts my way, Eddie?
— Well, I passed a church today when I heard that good old wedding song.
— Another poor sap gone wrong!
That sweet refrain means ball and chain.
— But I got a thrill, and I think, Bill, that's just the life for you.
— I'm not a dunce; I tired it once; I'll tell the world I am through.

CHORUS 1: I don't want to get married; I'm having too much fun.
I don't want to be bothered with any single one.
— Oh, come on, Bill; be serious; 'twould be better in the end.
— No, I'd only get a wife and then I'd lose a darn good friend.
— Now you have plenty of girlfriends; don't you like 'em? – Sure, I do.
— Then why not marry one? — Well, what would the other forty do?
I'll stay single for their sake
And give them all an even break.
— Oh, you don't want to get married? – No, I'm having too much fun.

SPOKEN: — No kidding, Bill: do you really know why people get married?
— Well, most of the time a woman marries a man just to get even,
But if I need a loudspeaker, I'll buy one.
— You know that nine marriages out of ten are only accidents.
— Well, take it from me: I've seen some terrible accidents.
— Yes, but say for instance you get sick. Oh, boy! That's when a wife is wonderful.
Why, half the time you don't need a doctor.
— You're right; no doctor can take the heart out of you like a woman can.
— Well, in spite of your kidding, I still think that marriage is a wonderful thing.
You know, I can't forget that little scene this morning. Just picture, Bill—

Here comes the bride,
The groom by her side.
— Look at the poor sap; it looks as though he were trying to hide.
— Ah, she looks so happy there at the altar rail!
— Of course she's happy; she's landed him; from now on, he's in jail.
Gee, whiz, I'm glad I'm free!
No wedding bells for —

CHORUS 2: I don't want to get married; I'm having too much fun.
— So you hate girls? – No, I like 'em, but I like a lot, not one.
What's the use of battling with friend wifey every night?
Why, I can join the army any time I want to fight.
— You're wrong; some folks get along nicely; why, I know a man and wife
Who've only had one argument in all their married life.
— Yes, that started when they first met,
And gosh! It isn't finished yet.
I don't want to get married; I'm having too much fun.

III. As sung by the Happiness Boys (Jones and Hare)

We don't want to get married; we're having too much fun.
We just couldn't be bothered with any certain one.
What's the use of battling with friend wifey ev'ry night?
Say, we can join the army any time we want to fight.
We have plenty of girlfriends; we love them all it's true,
But if we marry one, what would the other forty do?
So we'll stay single for their sake
And give them all an even break.
We don't want to get married; we're having too much fun.