I wouldn't want to be a restaurant critic. Imagine dining at a place and knowing that a wrong phrase from you, a snide phrase a bit too strong, would cost the staff their jobs and destroy the owner's hopes. It would really get to me after a while.

Perhaps these silly descriptions are a way of defusing the strain. They say, "Don't take my review too seriously!"

My city doesn't have a restaurant critic, and I don't miss one.