I prefer the Leslie Sarony version Joe (old music hall song). My mother used to sing that (it's on Mudcat somewhere) recorded in the thirties I believe.
It went, "Look at the coffin. bloomin' great 'andles..."

I always smile when I get spam suggesting we go on a wrinklies' cruise.
As I've said on here before, I'd need a huge plastic bucket with me at all times. (appallingly prone to seasickness)

I don't really want a funeral at all. Just dispose of the body the cheapest way possible. I shan't know as I'll be...er...dead.

Compost is a good idea Steve.