On photography: it's time-honoured that you take a camera with you to record mementoes of your holiday. It's been thus since and before those old Kodak box cameras. My first camera was a Brownie 127 when I was seven years old. There are still a few snaps around that I took on that camera and they mean a lot to me because I took them. Those among us who think that a book of photos from a gift shop is some kind of adequate substitute are definitely missing something. It behoves anyone who goes into a church or gallery to be considerate to other visitors. To me, that means no whacking great big multilens SLRs that are big enough to need a rucksack, no flash, no selfie sticks and no standing there in pelvic thrust mode with a camera held high above the head. Otherwise, I can see nothing wrong with shooting away. Tiny smartphones are ideal and can be used discreetly in silent-shutter mode. I'm sick of killjoys who make up a new rule every time there's an innovation of some sort. Miniskirt? Ban them! Mohican hairstyle? Not allowed! No tie? You can't come in here, mate! When rock 'n' roll was in its heyday my school banned sideburns that came below the ear. And don't even THINK of wearing anything that remotely approaches winkle-pickerhood! And when the condom, then the pill, then the coil were invented, why, ban them, one at a time, as soon as they come in! Why we put up with this nonsense I'll never know. As for that Sistine Chapel, unless they're using it to make a new pope it has absolutely NOTHING to do with worship and EVERYTHING to do with making as much mazumah as possible out of hot, sweaty, knackered, overcrowded tourists who have been queuing and herded around for hour after hour. I know, because in April I was that tourist, even though I'd been suckered into buying an expensive fast-track ticket that ended up being no such thing.

One other thing about churches. Let's talk about who they REALLY belong to. Let's talk about the near-slaves who built them in the first place and where the money come from to build them (a clue: it wasn't exactly a pot of gold miraculously provided by God). Let's talk about the fact that, despite my being a rabid atheist, they are every bit as much my heritage as they are the heritage of the most saintly daily worshipper. They get tax breaks, gift aid and grants, all out of my tax money, as well as whatever I pay to go in and see them. If religions want to claim that the churches are theirs then let them bloody pay for them. Those churches are part-mine, so you stop making up petty rules as you go along and I promise to be considerate. Deal?