MISTER SEARS AND ROEBUCK
As recorded by Don Barry and Dana Gibson with the Black-Smith Trio, 1949.

(Spoken:)
[Boys:] Hey, Paw!
[Paw:] Uh...yep.
[Boys:] That new catalog just come, and Sis run off with it!
[Paw:] Not agin!
[Girl:] But Paw, I’m busy writin’!
Dear Mister Sears and Roebuck:

(Sung:)
[Girl:] I been checkin' your supplies for tennis courts.
There is somethin' I should get—
Not a racket or a net—
But I sure could use that rascal in the shorts.

Dear Mister Sears and Roebuck:
Your canoe on page a hundred forty-three—
That's the type that I would pick,
But I'm up a diff'rent crick.
Won’t you send a fella here to paddle me?

[Boys:] She don't want a bath. Soapy water makes her howl.
Don't the folks in your ads ever mind it?
[Girl:] I can't use a bath. [Boys:] You can keep your Turkish towel.
[Girl:] Only ship me the sheik from behind it.

Don't mean to fuss, ol’ Roebuck,
But you'll never fill my order, it appears.
If the shortage is acute,
I'm an easy gal to suit.
I'll shut up if you will send me Mister Sears.

(Spoken:)
[Neighbor:] Hey, neighbor!
[Girl:] Yup.
[Neighbor:] Can I borrow your catalogy?
[Girl:] Yup.
[Neighbor:] Gonna write me a letter.

(Sung:)
[Neighbor:] Dear Mister Sears and Roebuck:
Your cologne could not compete with my corral,
But I’d buy the stuff in quarts
If I thought that you’d be sports.
Would you send it to me sprinkled on a gal, hm?

[Girl:] I love a guy but he’s bashful as can be,
And I can’t wait around here forever.
[Neighbor:] Well, if you love a guy, could he happen to be me?
[Girl:] ‘Course I do. [Neighbor:] I’ll be doggone!

[Girl+Neighbor:] Pardon us, ol’ Roebuck,
But we’ll have to change our orders, it appears.
[Girl:] Just forget those other things.
[Neighbor:] Send a pair of wedding rings.
[Girl+Neighbor:] We’ll name all the kids for you and Mister Sears.
[Chorus:] We’ll name all the kids for you and Mister Sears.

(Spoken:)
[Neighbor:] I don’t know what we would ‘a’ done without that-there catalogy.