"Sadly, I expect them to come up with the old "The majority of the public use fireworks sensibly and responsibly" chestnut, but they wouldn't say that if they had to endure the equivalent of the opening barrage of The Battle of The Somme for the best part of a fortnight every autumn."

"The majority of dog lovers, allegedly, pick up their cur turds responsibly, but the rest of us have to endure the piles of shite from the rest for 365 days a year."