The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #165308   Message #3965347
Posted By: Jim Dixon
07-Dec-18 - 06:41 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Add: Songs of Mr. Flotsam and Mr. Jetsam
Subject: Lyr Add: PC LAMB (Mr Flotsam and Mr Jetsam)
You can hear this at YouTube:

As recorded by Mr. Flotsam & Mr Jetsam, 1929.

My word! but we’re lucky today, gents.
I thought we were going to be late.
The traffic outside from far and wide
Is in a most congested state.
Did you see that fine policeman who helped us through the jam?
Why, you know that constable is: that’s PC Lamb.
How do you know that that was he?
I’ll sing you what he sang to me:

I a position of trust have,
The king of the traffic jam.
You heard of me; you must have.
I’m P’lice Constable Lamb.
I give the sign to high and low
Whether to stop or whether to go.
Sometime or other you’ve heard me bark
… where to go or where to park.
Yes, sir, that’s who I am:
Robert Augustus Wellington Lamb,
Pride of the force as a matter of course,
And the only Lamb that won’t stand sauce.
Yes, sir: PC Lamb; I’m no respecter of rank.
What the dot and dash do you think you’re doing,
You blankety-blankety-blank?

Where do you think you’re going, young man,
Pulling to the kerb? Now what’s your plan?
Where you’re driving license? One more grin
From the likes of you and I’ll run you in.
Don’t think you can get past me by stealth.
I’m not ‘ere for my blooming health.
Is your name Seagrave? What’s the idea?
You in the sidecar: pull over ‘ere.
I suppose I’ll be handling traffic
Till the blinking crack o’ doom,
When all the souls seraphic
Will rise from their final tomb.
When the so-called last trump sounds, sir,
And a million millions wait
In a blooming queue, including you,
To pass through the pearly gate,
Who do you think they’ll call on
When the mob gets into a mess?
St Peter’s eye will fall on—
I’ll give you a single guess.

Me, me, PC Lamb.
I’ll be the one to relieve the jam.
… seven … eleven
I’ll jolly well guide them into heaven.
Yes, sir, PC Lamb; they’ll all have me to thank.
What the dot and dash do you think you’re doing,
You blankety-blankety-blank?
So now you know who I am:
Robert Augustus Wellington Lamb.
Husband of Annie Teresa Lamb,
King of a hundred traffic jams,
Father of thirteen little lambs.
That’s me: PC L-A-M-B, Lamb!