The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #165559   Message #3974021
Posted By: keberoxu
29-Jan-19 - 02:12 PM
Thread Name: BS: my cautionary tale
Subject: RE: BS: my cautionary tale
It frustrates me, it actually gets me emotionally to a useless degree,
if I am expected to give an account of my experience
in a rational, linear fashion.
The reason I get emotional about doing so,
is that I didn't get my experience out of a book, after all --
I endured it, lived through it, and spent the better part of my life
getting to grips with it all.
Making sense of such history is a story in and of itself.
And I did not experience this in a reasonable way.
I had the experience with all these psychological mechanisms hard at work,
keeping me from falling to pieces.

One time, I said to my counselor, who had earned my trust,
"How did I do it?"
Sensitive as always,
my counselor understood what was implied in my question.

She answered: "You know, I can go into
a clinical description of what is done and how one does it.
But, from person to person:
the answer is -- I don't know how."

I guess I will have to try the patience of others
by talking this through, and doing so regularly,
before I feel tempered enough with it
to relate it as though it were an official dispatch.

Again, my thoroughly inadequate expression
of how intensely I appreciate
all the support and validation of those who either
responded to my post
or who "lurked" at the thread
and "listened" discreetly. Thank you again.