VWML microfilm 81, item no. 705


BOARDING SCHOOL

Miss Tickle Toby kept a school, for she was deeply read, sirs,
And being an old maid, of course she lived at Maidenhead, sirs,
And only took young lodgers in, and made a deal of pelf, sirs,
She taught them vulgar fractions, and she boarded them herself sirs.
With her bow wow.

The house was situated in a very pleasant station,
’Twas an opening for any girl in a hairy situation,
A mossy lane to grace the front, like country ones displayed is,
Two milk-white stones before the door, and a yard for all the ladies.
With her bow wow.

Mr Tickle Toby you must know was such a hand, the fact is,
For any thing she took in hand, she’d put it into practice,
Sometimes she’d use her lodgers rough, before her rage got cooler,
And if the cane was not long enough, she’d make them take the ruler.
With her bow wow.

Sometimes she take on interest in them, and never jaw a word,
But say they’d feel the benefit, if they'd push themselves forward,
In writing they did much excel, there was beauty in each letter,
Altho’ they could do an upstroke well, they could do a downstroke better.
With her bow wow.

A dashing Squire there lived close by, who had acquired some riches
He often longed to put it up the school girls white frilled breeches,
He strove in vain to speak as by his house did pass these lassies,
But the Tickle Toby lady always dangled at their -----.
With her bow wow.

At last he dressed himself up quite neat, as a maiden young and blooming,
And off to the old maid’s school repaired, this smock faced miss assuming,
The old frump soon admitted him, with her cock eye brightly glist’nin
For she really looked as modest as an old whore at a christening.
With his bow wow.

A new face pleased the ladies, and they made themselves quite handy
They pulled and hugged him so about, till he got precious randy,
At last bedtime came on, they all retired at murphy’s urgings,
And the squire he tumbled in between two plump and blooming virgins.
With his bow wow.

They had not long been in the bed before one of them Miss Molly,
Must needs be groping, when her hand run bang against his tolly,
What’s this cries she, my rule says he, of answers he'd a quickness,
She said then ’tis the rule of three, ’tis such a precious thickness.
With his bow wow.

I never handled one so stout, says she how do you use it,
Says he, if you’ll divide your legs, I’ll soon prove it, if you choose it.
Then cramming his great ruler in this beauty’s incision,
He taught her how to multiply, and make a long division.
With his bow wow.

She learnt her lesson so by heart, she was not long at cyphers,
Many days and among them all he lingered in their rifers;
When shocked one day Miss T. observed the servant girl Molly Kelly
And all the ladies in the school had a swelling in the belly.
With his bow wow.

The old maid stormed, their parents come, but off the young squire pops he,
Some said it was somewhat in the air, but the girls swore it was the dropsy;
When the doctor came to tap ’em, and to draw off their water,
He brought them each a thumping son, or else a thumping daughter.
Singing bow wow.

To steal just thirty maidenheads, cries the old maid what a glutton,
Before the school should have been disgraced, I would have sacrificed my mutton;
For she swore in future all who come, to know the right ones from the wrong ones,
She’d turn up every smock and feel whether their ----- were flat or long ones.
With his bow wow.