VWML microfilm 88, item no. 90

THE BOARDING SCHOOL!

Miss Tickle Toby kept a school, and in learning was well read, sir,
And being an old maid of course she lived at Maidenhead, sir,
She only took young ladies in, and made a deal of pelf, sir,
She taught them vulgar fractions, and boarded them herself, sir.

The school was situated in a very pleasant station,
T’was an opening for any young girl, and an airy situation,
A mossy lawn to grace the front, like country ones displayed is,
Two milk white stones before the door, and a yard for all the ladies.

Mr Tickle Toby you must know, was precious strict---the fact is,
Anything she took in hand she always put in practice,
Sometimes she used them rather rough until her age got cooler,
And if the cane was not enough she’d make them take the ruler.

Sometimes an interest in them take, and never say a cross word,
But said they’d feel the benefit would they push themselves more forward.
In writing they did most excel, there was beauty in each letter,
Altho’ they did their up strokes well they did a down stroke better.

A dashing Squire that a lived close by and had acquired some riches,
Had often long’d to poke it up the school girls’ white frill’d breeches.
He often tried but all in vain while by his house would pass these lasses,
For the Tickle Toby lady was always stuck at their arses.

At last he dress’d himself up as a damsel young and blooming,
And to the old maid’s school he went the smock faced miss assuming.
The old frump soon admitted him, with her cock are brightly glistening,
For he really looked as modest as an old whore at a christening.

A new face pleased the boarders well, they made themselves so handy,
They kissed and hugged him so about that he got precious randy.
Bed time came on, they all retired at Mr Morpheus’s urgings,
Quite pleased, the squire he tumbled in between two plump and blooming virgins.

They had not been in bed long when one of them, Miss Molly,
Must needs get groping when her hand ran bang against his dolly.
What’s this cried she, my rule says he, for answers he'd a quick one,
Says she then ’tis the rule of three, it's such a precious thick one.

I never handled one so large says she, how do you use it?
Says he if you’ll divide your legs I'll soon show it if you choose it.
Then cramming his great ruler in her beauteous incision,
He taught her how to multiply and make a long division.

She learnt her lesson soon by heart, she was not long a cypher,
And night after night among them all he figured in their kyfer.
Quite shocked at last Miss T. observed the servant maid Moll Kelly
And all the boarders in the house had a swelling in the belly.

The old maid stormed, the parents came, but the squire off popped he,
Some said ’twas something in the air, but the ladies said ’twas dropsy.
When the Doctor came to tap them all and draw off their water,
He found each had a thumping son or else a darling daughter.

To ravish thirty virgins, the old maid cried, what a glutton.
Before my school should have been so disgraced I’d have sacrificed my mutton.
She swore all that in future came, to know the right from wrong ones,
She’d turn up every smock and feel if they were flat or long ones.